People are giving birth underwater now. They say it's less traumatic for the baby because it's in water. But certainly more traumatic for the other people in the pool.

"You can always tell when someone's lying to you, because they're male..."

Dingoes, jackals, skunks, vipers and weasel are now illegal in New York City. Well great, who's going to run CBS?

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft ...and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.

I don't believe in astrology- of course, that's very typical of Leos.

Let me have my own way in exactly everything, and a sunnier and more pleasant creature does not exist.

Because of their cuisine, Germans don't consider farting rude. They'd certainly be out of luck if they did.

Cry you little monsters!

When I appeared before the draft board examiner during World War II, he asked me if I thought I could kill. "I don't know about strangers," I replied, "but friends, certainly."

The Organization of American States couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel.